A few words on Simon
"You’ll notice references to heaven and hell and the inner self in Simon’s poem in this offering of Write Speak Recover. So, I don’t think it was an accident that he was wearing a Michelangelo, Sistine Chapel t-shirt when we met to do our portrait shoot. I believe that Simon lives, writes and speaks with intense intention. He never gives a throwaway performance, it’s always carefully curated and delivered with care and atmosphere. He explores his creativity in words and on the stage, often in song, exploring his voice as an instrument, (and I’m pretty sure I saw a video of him playing the piano recently!) Simon embodies how art is so fabulously unique to an individual. He manages to grasp the ethereal and moulds beautiful things that must be seen and heard. I’m glad he has found solace and community in writing and I am better for being part of it with him. Over to Simon to tell you more." - Tim Foley, founder, Write Speak Recover
Please be mindful WSR content can be thematically sensitive.
Simon Gardner
I’m a poet, writer, and sometimes singer; or at least I attempt to be, but my efforts at publishing my novels have so far been unsuccessful. Otherwise, I work in research support at a university, helping to facilitate making the research undertaken be viewable and accessible by the wider public. I’m joining the project because it sounds like an interesting premise, and I’d be happy to contribute to such a purpose; in a similar sense to sharing poetry at open mics, this endeavour is similarly about looking to connect to people in some way, find mutuality, and perhaps to help people too. My story of healing and recovery is one that I think will often be ongoing, with regards to depression and anxiety, as those are ones that are difficult to say whether you’ve truly overcome them. With both, it can vary day to day, and occasion to occasion, or be entirely dependent on circumstances and events in life; whether they’ve been impacted by something more existential, or – of course – the trials and tribulations of love. In any case, writing has always proved a great solace to aiding them, to help make sense of it and channel it, and without it I’m sure I’d be considerably worse off. Efforts to try and overcome depression have often involved having to overcome the anxiety too, which can sometimes result in those efforts not working, and both worsening as a consequence. Writing has been a good way to remedy that, however, particularly through the kind of events you can attend with writing. In a sense, I suppose that’s also what’s led to me getting involved with the WSR project, as there’s a similar desire to connect with people and overcome internal barriers.
Finding Eden
Whether we consider ourselves religious,
We are all seeking to find our own Eden,
That thing that makes us feel like we have soared up,
To far beyond the clouds and into Heaven,
All whilst remaining alive and on the ground,
As we float like in a fantasy written.
Then when we are banished from our paradise,
The ground can feel like hell in comparison,
Where we reel from our sudden falling from grace,
With it a perceived eternal sensation,
And despite this we remain on the same ground,
At the level of the last apparition.
Any external Eden is a mirage,
As our true Eden is something that’s within,
We go around attributing it elsewhere,
Which causes us frequent feelings of chagrin,
Therefore, we can never be cast out from it,
That place will always remain beneath our skin.
We will find more places that feel like Eden,
And some of those will stay around as a home,
True Eden is in the heart we’ll always have.
On the writing process
I tend to write novels with a particular focus on characters struggling with some form of pain from connection and isolation, and whether this is with something external or something internal. I’d say that my poetry is similar, but with a more personal focus; although sometimes I try to write from the perspective of a different character, as a way to dramatise my own state of feeling. When it comes to poetry, I tend to write with a continued and linking metaphor as the premise. I look at whatever I’m feeling, and whatever narrative or event aligns with it or bears some responsibility for it, and as I ruminate over it, I find a metaphor for it and go with that, as the inspiration to then use it to write. I think that by using imagery, it obscures the meaning in a sense, and perhaps creates a barrier for interpretation, that opens it to wider relatability, as well as potentially creating a kind of personal separation from it, so it feels a little easier to express the vulnerability. I often use a lot of dark metaphors, that are often influenced by the kind of music I listen to, and the lyrical themes that pervade through that (Sleep Token, Bring Me The Horizon, Motionless In White), but is also probably indicative of the nature of the feelings I’m try to channel in some way, to help with it.
Writing has been helpful in my efforts at recovery because I find it easier to make sense of and express things in written form, than verbally, particularly when it comes to the kind of subject matter I write about. It enables me to process the emotions in the quiet, whilst directing them into something, so that they don’t seem quite so overbearing. On occasion, I’ve used writing to tell friends things, rather than doing so through face-to-face interaction, because I find it considerably easier to gather my thoughts in this way, where I have the time to deal with the emotion of the expression in private, before passing it onto them. So, in a sense, I find it easier to be vulnerable in writing, than by talking; albeit attending poetry open mics has pushed me to try and reconcile the two. Without writing, it would all be entirely bottled up, and I would be in a state of struggling to understand it myself too. So, to summarise, writing has helped me to understand myself, but also to communicate and connect to other people too, in a way that I would otherwise struggle.
Favourite poets, poetry nights, books or other resources:
My favourite poetry nights are probably the ones I regularly attend Homely Poetry in Kingston, Lost Souls in Balham and Words @ the Woodfield in Streatham Hill. In terms of favourite poets, books, etc, I’m quite bad at having anything established like that. My focus during my degree in English Literature was in Romantic Literature, so I’d cite them as a kind of set of favourites.
Write Speak Recover, in collaboration with TheNeverPress is an open, free collection of original portraits of poets using their art to find strength in their recovery journey from any form of dis-ease.
We invite you to follow Write Speak Recover on Instagram and to reach out to Tim Foley at WSR or us directly at the zine to learn more, or put yourself forward to be featured in this initiative.
If you need support, here are some resources:
Samaritans
Alcohol Change
Recovery Dharma
Alcoholics Anonymous
Be kind. Stay present. One moment after the next.
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