I felt very disoriented when I moved to London in 2024 and didn’t know anyone. I found Write B4 the Mic in Brixton run by Starlight (a previous WSR poet). The first workshop I attended was on the theme of love. Rayon was co-hosting. I was really nervous. He pulled me into an embrace that night as he spoke and read. Afterwards, we chatted about writing, life and community. He, put simply, is an embodiment of love - love of the earth, his heritage, people, food, music, magic, words, community… I could go on. (He’s on my phone as “Ray Love Doctor” which tells you all you need to know!)
Although he is known for his romantic poetry, I have heard Rayon share deep, exploratory poems of healing, mental health, race, family, identity, and societal issues. Encouraging others to ask questions to seek change in themselves and in the world around them. Rayon is a provider of spaces of discovery. Spaces, where people gather, write, speak, recover (and eat!) while he himself is doing the same.
Over to the great man himself to tell you more.
Please be mindful WSR content can be thematically sensitive.
I am an individual who is big on encouraging people to recognise the value in collectively working together in any situation or environment. Regardless of differences or other perceived challenges. Over the years I have been blessed to be in numerous environments that educated me about different walks of life and their respective experiences. By using poetry as the foundation to engage with people, I am able to introduce other elements that will allow people to find a common ground. Which in turn allows them to be comfortable enough to express themselves as well, or ask the questions they were afraid to ask before, maybe try something new.
This project aroused my curiosity because of its name ‘Write Speak Recover’. As a poet those three words perfectly describe me. Though they may at first seem like three simple words, the depth they represent is priceless to me. I write, I speak, I recover and this leads to healing.
I can recall wanting to write about a particular situation but not being able to, or so I thought. I speak about the passing of my eldest brother, Orlando. I wanted to use poetry to keep his memories alive. Something specific that I could go back to in order to mentally relive some of the times we spent together. This was important to me. I wanted to, however, I wasn’t able to. At the time I had just started my final year at university studying Sports Coaching. I had to sit out that year as I just couldn’t function properly. This was something very strange to me because I had never allowed anything to physically or mentally stop me from fulfilling my responsibilities. This was the first time that I can truly say I experienced depression as a ‘thing’, at the age of 33. Of course I’d heard about it, I’d seen what it could do to others. Still I had no real experience or knowledge of how to deal with my own depression.
Without knowing exactly what to do in that situation, I decided to just live. To ‘just live’ is going to be different for most people. However, for me there were days when things seemed ‘fine’. I would feel fine, look fine, move as though I was fine and get through the day.
Still the grief was very active in my mind. There were back to back days when I didn’t leave the house at all. Days when I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I felt as though there was no reason to try and do anything. Each day had one thing in common, crippling grief. It was a case of taking it one day at a time, not knowing what to expect. There isn't one formula for grief that can be applied to all. People will experience it in their own individual ways. Therefore, we should be aware that we might not acknowledge how we are responding to grief. Those close to us might pick up on the behavioural changes, and need to understand grief may cause us to act out of character. This can sometimes be over an extended period of time. I had to allow grief to run its course and with each day acknowledge the wins and assess the battles I lost.
It took me five years before I was able to open up through writing about Orlando, and move toward healing. Then an additional year before I was able to perform that poem. I have only performed it live once. It was a necessary and special moment for a lot of reasons. I was able to finally speak openly about the hurt I felt after losing my brother. I also felt joy, sharing my memories of him using a medium that is and will forever be a part of me. Giving up was never an option so each opportunity given to me in the form of a new day I embraced it. I worked through it, no matter how difficult it was. I can’t emphasise enough the importance of living through your experiences. I strongly believe it is the only way to eventually work through them. Mistakes will be made, feelings will possibly be hurt and it may seem like the darkness is never ending. That’s not true, if you keep stepping you will get to where you are meant to. Be confident in the fact that you are everything you need to be in order to get through it all.
Believe In You
It's not all doom and it has never really been about the gloom
Even though I hardly saw the sun and sometimes barely ever recognise the moon
It took me a lifetime to realise a son needs a mirror to appreciate his reflection
So now I use the surface of the ocean to stare upon the details of my creation
It took me a lifetime to realise that being kind to myself will allow me to appreciate my God given substance
That everything I need is produced internally to replenish my self inflicted depletion
It's going to take me a lifetime to break the tradition handed down by my father to always want to help everyone
And another lifetime to accept that some people I just can't help
So I should stop forcing something on them which they aren’t ready to understand
Looking back has given me so many different reasons to look forward
There were days when I laid in bed thinking I made this bed
So I have to be comfortable with the consequences of my decisions
Doubts showed up too and like bailiffs it was pressing for my most valuable possessions
Attempting to intimidate me into willingly give up on that which I have worked so hard to become
I couldn't understand for the life of me why it would want to take my life off me
But that isn't who Rayon is, giving up was never a part of me
I am programmed differently
It was never coded into my root function
I make the matrix work for me
Then there were times when I was wedged between a rock and a hard place
Jammed in a sticky situation
Yet multiple alternative doors were being opened
That's the almighty showing up with a plan of action
The key turning point in any situation
Leading me away from every destructive plan
My escape didn't require an elaborate plan because I have always been covered since day one
He literally held my hand and guided me
Pulling me away from the edge
When I was willing to fall off into chaos and become public enemy number one
My brothers, none of this is new
Not because you feel like you are alone, doesn't mean it's only you
There're many great and positive examples out there for you to follow
You don't have to but if you choose to, make sure no one is forcing you to choose anything that doesn't uplift the spiritual you
I guess fitting in is cool and when life is like a puzzle I guess conforming is justified too
But in order to find your inner peace
You sometimes have to break away pieces of you
To detach from the picture they've created for their own benefit and not necessarily to see the good in you
So step back and take a look from an objective perspective to figure out the puzzle
With a clear view decide where's the right fit for you
If you need to, change the shape your environment chiselled you into
Forming someone resilient and authentic that has evolved from the life experiences you've been through
Don't think I am preaching at you
I've just opened my understanding a bit more to accept life is much more than what some of our environmental settings have limited us to
Understand that I am analogue, but I have my merits too
Most of you now are digital upgrades so the matrix will try to tap in, in order to trap you
To infiltrate the source of the substance that's coursing through you
Don't allow it
You are far too valuable
Bro bro I believe in you
I need you to believe in you too
You need you, to believe in you!
You have to believe in yourself first before you can entertain the idea of believing in things that are external to the source that is you.
On Writing
Poetry has allowed me to expand the ways in which I articulate myself. Which meant moving away from my preferred format of stoic silence and keeping thoughts to myself. With poetry I am able to package and deliver my thoughts, opinions, ideas and accomplishments.
I revisit situations in my mind to get a clear picture and as many details as possible. This helps me with the descriptive element of writing. Painting images in the mind of the readers or the audience. This allows me to let others see what I am talking about and be as close to it as possible. They will go on their own journey and when that happens I don’t want it to be something that’s difficult for them. In some cases I don’t even want them to be aware. So I will allow myself to be so submerged in the recall of the situation being written about so when it’s performed it’s like the listeners are there with me.
This method confirms to me when I have reached a good place with whatever it is that I am exploring. To be able to wholeheartedly unpack things mentally is telling me that I am able to face whatever difficulties that situation previously held. The fear that was once there is no more, giving acknowledgement that it has helped with my journey so far.
Inspiration & Influences
Big shoutout to Salient Voice and SWVrthy who are also poets. We supported each other a lot when we were all initially trying to find our poetic footing. Through the uncertainties, the doubts, the success and the fulfilment of doing something that we love doing we’ve had some great memories. Now we are all doing well respectively as it relates to writing and it is something that I will always look back at and be happy about.
I encourage you to listen to The Honourable Louise Bennett-Coverley (Miss Lou) and I deeply admire Miss Yankey, Big Scoop, Becksy Becks and DYCR.
In terms of poetry nights, Poplar Poetry Evening of course. BYOB, Crossword Lyric and Write B4 The Mic are also ones that I like to attend.
In closing, a friend once told me food is a perfect icebreaker for any situation. He was right. I am a lover of food and as a result I love to cook. So it was an easy decision to incorporate food within the spaces I hold for people to enjoy another layer of something they can share and relate to. I was born and raised in Jamaica until the age of seventeen when I moved to England and if you visit any event I run and there’s food, then you will receive a full complement of authentic Jamaican cuisine.
Please come and join us soon to speak, eat and recover!
Write Speak Recover, in collaboration with TheNeverPress is an open, free collection of original portraits of poets using their art to find strength in their recovery journey from any form of dis-ease.
We invite you to follow Write Speak Recover on Instagram and to reach out to Tim Foley at WSR or us directly at the zine to learn more, or put yourself forward to be featured in this initiative.
If you need support, here are some resources:
Samaritans
Alcohol Change
Recovery Dharma
Alcoholics Anonymous
Be kind. Stay present. One moment after the next.
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