I went to my first poetry night in early 2024 after returning to the UK permanently for the first time in over 20 years.
I had been writing feverishly and the lovely souls in my Recovery Dharma group had been encouraging me to go out and speak. I had found this amazing Instagram page Where The Word Things Live, with poetry night listings around London and landed on Everything Poetry Night. Fiona spoke before me, I had never seen anything quite like the performance. The rawness, honesty, the intentionally directed anger, the hope. When it was my turn, I stumbled a bit, but the welcome and the energy in that moment is one I have bottled up and carry in my pocket to run my fingers over whenever I perform. It’s been lovely to get to know Fiona since and find out she runs Where The Word Things Live… starstruck! When I met her to take the portraits I asked if there was anything I needed to be aware of when shooting to make sure she felt safe about it, she replied “I’m just comfortable with me”. Which made for a very chilled, fun shoot. And, led me to write a little haiku I’ll leave you with before passing you over to Fiona:
Comfortably sat
Owning her identity
Her true essence shines!
Please be mindful WSR content can be thematically sensitive.
Mood killer. Vibe ruiner. Emotional fucker.
I, Fiona Broadhurst, am a queer, trans, disabled, poet writing poems on various topics not limited to queer-love, anarchy, disability, social justice, community, and emotional shit™. I created and curate Where The Word Things Live, a directory of poetry and spoken word nights in London (yes, that’s me! Thanks for using it!). I am also in the process of putting together an anthology of Trans+ poets, Trans Poetica: Transcendent Joy for Troubling Times.
Growing up as a disabled, queer, person I have always been drawn to creativity as a way of expressing myself; from learning piano, drums, & guitar, to my teenage experiments with "emotions with line breaks" (otherwise known as poetry).
I have always made music and dabbled in poetry in my teenage years, but I really started writing poetry at university and I was hooked. To finally have a way of accurately expressing all the things I had kept bottled up for my entire life was life changing. I think it was then that I truly began to understand the power that words can have.
Alan Moore said:
"There is some confusion as to what magic actually is. I think this can be cleared up if you just look at the very earliest descriptions of magic. Magic in its earliest form is often referred to as “the art”. I believe this is completely literal. I believe that magic is art and that art, whether it be writing, music, sculpture, or any other form is literally magic."
And while we differ on the specifics, I do believe that words hold power. Learning to wield that power, to harness it, weave it, is a certain kind of magic, and once you experience it, the true joy of appreciation for the words you have crafted, the spells you have cast, is beautiful.
I once wrote;
"There is more to life than poetry
but not much, & what there is will
never burn as fiercely, as ardently
as exquisitely as the honeyed solace
of the right words, in the right order,
at the right time."
After those first tentative gasps of poetic breath, life got in the way for a few years and I stopped writing. All it took was tapering off antidepressants (with the help of a psychiatrist) during the pandemic lockdowns, and a particularly difficult breakup for me to rediscover the joy of writing poetry, how healing and joyous it can be, and I haven't looked back. Since then, I have performed at countless open mics, competed in slams, featured at multiple events, published my debut chapbook "Apocalyptic Aphorisms" with Back Room Poetry and set up Where The Word Things Live.
I have used creativity to help me through my darkest moments, and am acutely aware of the power that being creative can have not just for myself but also for other people. I think that humans are much more creative than society (capitalism) allows us to be and I believe that creativity, whatever form that takes, can enable us to actively engage with our emotions. Creativity can save lives, I know it has saved mine many times, and I know it will do so again.
It is an honour that people connect with my creativity and I hope that in some small way I am contributing to making the world a better place.
Reasons
(Samaritans: 116 123)
Don't kill yourself,
not because the world is infinitely
beautiful, & it is, but because I know
you don't quite trust the gremlins in your
head, the voices that won't leave when you're
lying in your bed & can't sleep not for lack of trying,
Don't kill yourself,
not because somebody would miss you,
& they would, but because I know that
you are not ready for the absence that
would grow around the memory of your shape,
the gaping hole left by the passage of time
as eventually the atoms of your history are
transformed into an image of the future,
Don't kill yourself,
not because you would regret it,
& you might, but because I know that
the eternity of night stretching out after day
is far scarier than the way in which you struggle
with being alive, because I have seen both sides
of the coin & I'm not here to tell you it gets better
or things won't always feel this way, I just know
how it would feel never having tried to prevail,
& I can see that you are trying, prying all the
courage you have from the depths of your soul but
do not be fooled into thinking you will never be whole,
will never feel warmth on your skin, or find how you
fit in amongst this tapestry of consciousness,
because you will, give it time, even if your home
is built on the boundaries you will find friends,
I too live on the perimeter, come find me
when you are ready,
Don't kill yourself,
you already know all the reasons & more
because you have been here before,
& sometimes those with the best view
are the ones closest to the ledge,
but do not let this living be the thing that
tips you over the edge,
Don't kill yourself,
I know that you want
this war to be on your own terms, but
fighting your brain is not something
achieved with fists & bravado,
it's letting each new day into your heart
as it returns, no matter the sharpness of its edge,
to pledge with all the strength you can muster
that you will not give in, that you will soften
the periphery of daybreak, & nightfall, & sew
the fraying margins of existence,
I cannot write you a list you haven't already written,
a thousand words cannot live up to the act
of choosing to stay another day, despite
being grief-stricken with endurance,
the permanence of your continuing to
live every single day is reason enough alone,
Please remember this, & turn tomorrow
into another, & another, & another,
& please, don't kill yourself
On the writing process
Creativity is about having fun, playing, experimenting. Don't start by trying to aim for a specific goal, (that can come later - if you want), start by creating something, anything, and see where it takes you. Type those first words, scribble those half-formed lines, pick up that instrument, whatever it is, create. No matter how small or insignificant you might feel it is, I can assure you that it is incredibly powerful.
Favourite poets, poetry nights, books or other resources:
Poets
Panos Skoutelis
Kayla Martell Feldman
Sumner Brook
Poet the Jules
Tim Kiely
Books
Kinsey Scale For the Emotionally Fragile Queer - Bibi June
Same Story - Kayla Martell Feldman
Supervillain Origin Story - Rick Dove
Permeable - Hannah Chutzpah
On Writing and Failure - Stephen Marche
Poetry Events
With an average of between 30 and 60 poetry events in London every month there are too many to name but the ones that hold a special place in my heart are;
Process
That Goddamn Poetry Jam
Genesis Slam
Everything
Resonance
Resources
You feel like shit.
Where The Word Things Live
Apples and Snakes "Red Sky Sessions"
Write Speak Recover, in collaboration with TheNeverPress is an open, free collection of original portraits of poets using their art to find strength in their recovery journey from any form of dis-ease.
We invite you to follow Write Speak Recover on Instagram and to reach out to Tim Foley at WSR or us directly at the zine to learn more, or put yourself forward to be featured in this initiative.
If you need support, here are some resources:
Samaritans
Alcohol Change
Recovery Dharma
Alcoholics Anonymous
Be kind. Stay present. One moment after the next.
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